I'm mostly mexican, and do not speak spanish, am I learning for myself or for others?

I ask this question with an open mind, I’ve heard it all…I have been cussed at, spit at, ridiculed, laughed at, you name it, because I look mexican and do not speak spanish. I know what I have learned in school and that is about it. It never occurred to me that this is a "problem" for people who speak spanish, until I was about 14, when I started working. People told me I should be ashamed of myself, and would make me cry at first. I wanted to learn so bad that I would stress about it in high school and try to learn and do all my other school work, but it is very hard to learn. Now I feel like I am only trying to learn to please others and not myself, it would be great to know, spanish, but a part of me has a feeling of resentment, that I am being forced to do this. If I didn’t look so mexican would I still have to learn? My father tells me I don’t have to, this is america, he speaks spanish, and now never uses it, he feels that I shouldn’t have to, but i have mixed feelings…he doesn’t know what its like to be made fun of and not even be able to understand your own co-workers. Im also mixed with philipino, american indian, and irish, but this means nothing to anyone else but myself because they only see a mexican girl. I wish I could be more informed about my mexican culture, but people have told me even if I learn spanish, I didnt grow up with the culture and would never fit in anyways…anybody have any thoughts on this? something i havent heard before? Im not asking for anyone to be sorry for me, but it would be refreshing to hear something encouraging, or helpful.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *